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Okay, so I'm /actually/ about to write a porn fic to AO3, and I'm interested in knowing what the difference is between the M rating and E rating. Able to enlighten me?

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Mature is 'and then they made love.' Explicit is 'and here's how they did it exactly.'

To wit: mature.

He looked at the envelope, spread out before him.

God, he'd never been this hungry.

Could he be gentle enough? Slow enough? He didn't want to damage it, didn't want to do anything he'd regret... but no, no, it seemed the envelope wanted this as much as he did. It slipped into his hands, it folded as he asked. When it was time for more, the card was waiting, and he somehow knew exactly what to do. He moved with his correspondence in a dance as old as the mail system, and when it was over, he was smiling and the envelope was completely, thoroughly sealed.

Explicit:

The envelope waved its flap in the air slowly, gently, and he could see the faint shimmer of the adhesive traced along its fold. It was like a taunt, a dare: won't you? And he would, oh, God, he would, lifting the envelope firmly to his lips, licking slowly at first, then faster, more firmly, tasting the envelope's essence, the faint bitterness, the sweetness to follow--

Oh, he couldn't help but smile at how it felt in his hands. It was so perfectly folded. Its paper was rough against his fingers, and its crossed folds shifted slightly as it opened for his eager tongue. Yes, yes...

Now the card, and his hand trembled as he lifted it, as he held the envelope, stretching it wide. Would it fit? Oh... oh, yes, it would fit, it slid in smooth and quick and filled the envelope to bursting, oh, made for each other, and he smiled in delight at how perfect it was.

He was ready. Now, now, now: with one swift movement he folded the flap over and he pressed, yes, he pressed the flap down and it stuck, God, it stuck perfectly, and he closed his eyes in bliss.

Afterwards, he stroked the envelope, and thought about addresses.

69,018 notes
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i mean, its a good explanation, but oh my god

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And now my wedding invitations take on new meaning 🌚

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elodie: m/m for mail/man

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Seconded, @marithlizard! This is both hilarious and educational.

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Yes. Please.

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okay but who licks the adhesive before they put in the letter. i can't get beyond this.

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Oh my days 😁😁😁

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OMG!! This made my day.

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Well, I will never look at an envelope the same way. You have amazing skills. Thank you!!

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This is fucking weird. Good writing, but weird.

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I now have seen all of the porn

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@ayamabuki​ *bursts into laughter* Thank you for showing me that this morning XDDD

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The fresh hell is this envelope porn doing on my dash omg tag your pR0n people pls

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Ooooooooops

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That is fucking hilarious

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Could you make manuals for everything else in life?

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Omg you found it Yaaaas!

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I have to do Christmas cards today and I think I’m gonna need a cigarette after reading that....

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IN A DANCE AS OLD AS THE MAIL SYSTEM

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“Crikey”- tumblr user angrybirdhat

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Aaaaand, there's a new kink.

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Wow fans self

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AGHABLHAALBGEHFFSFGKG

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omg lololol this was awesome! amazing writer!!

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I LOVE YOUR EXAMPLE a dance as old as the postal system LOL Then I said Oh Shit bc I've been tagging E content as M shit shit shit

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Original Poster

@spockat oh dear, unexpected envelope glue~~~

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Wtf did I just read XD

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Every Writer should save this some how. Spot on!

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YA novels for teens are more detailed than "they made love." Although when I read YA novels by Victoria Evers I thought it was unusual how detailed it was, with the glaring exception of erections. There was profanity, gore, and sexy stuff, but it never talked about erections.

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I’ll never look at an envelope the same way again.

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You are awesome!

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@lilly-white haha omg that was great!

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omg... wow. what did I just read? lol!

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how to get horny with an envelope JAJAJAJAJ

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why was this so tantalizing and yet so fricking funny

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I love you.

More like this

I can do it. I can write a chapter. I am capable of putting sentences together. I know what a comma is. I am Aware of the Character.

i was thinking this morning about how i categorize fanfic authors that i enjoy like AKC breeds and decided to share my rubric with you:

the specialist: this author has a favorite kink or trope and has written 80% of the content in that tag. you know exactly what you’re getting. they have A Brand™️. no matter what other traits they display, dedicated rare pair authors belong here.

the chocolate box: essentially the exact opposite. this author will try anything once. they have 80+ works in the fandom with no discernible pattern. the shortest one is 268 words and the longest is well over 100k. this breed of author may or may not be related to:

the renaissance fan: they’ve written three things in your fandom: your favorite fic, your notp, and a bizarre crossover with a show you’ve never heard of. you hit “expand fandoms list” on their author page and have to scroll down twice to reach the bottom. whenever you curse the fact that you can’t legally commission fic writers, this is the author you’re thinking about.

the horn dog: they’re here for one thing and one thing only. if someone’s dick is not in another character’s mouth within 500 words, they apologize for it in the author’s notes. they have one (1) g-rated fic.

the rookie: this writer is usually young, new to fandom, or just got a beta-reader for the first time. their fics are a little all over the place, quality-wise, but you’re excited whenever their name pops up because their unique voice gets stronger every time. you feel a personal investment in their development, like you’re an old man reading the local high school sports page and saying “this kid’s the one to watch.”

Okay guys, so on the eve of getting rid of our fucking authoritarian leader, I will tell you how we did it, despite the governments overwhelming media presence and fucking undercover operations against the opposition.

It was actually said best by a Hungarian comic, I'm paraphrasing a bit: If your house is on fire, you can't be like 'well that's not the fireman I imagined'.

I know it's been said a thousand times before, I know everybody is raging against having to vote for a less than ideal candidate, but today has proven that it fucking works. It's the only thing that works. And if the new guy is just a step closer to what you want? That's a fucking win. That's a fucking step in the right direction.

Is Péter Magyar going to usher in gay marriage and UBI? No. But he's not going to ban pride, like Orbán tried. Is he going to cut all ties with Russia? Probably not, but is he going to make sure that we stay in the EU? Fuck yeah. And over Orbán, that's a fucking improvement, and I will take it gladly.

the crazy thing about doctor who is that it really is the best show ever for 30 seconds at a time. you never know when those 30 seconds will be. sometimes they happen multiple times in a single episode and sometimes you wait years and years and years. and the best part is those 30 seconds are surrounded by the worst show ever, which is also doctor who

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They're everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

You can be talking to someone and she'll be like, "Oh I made a silly mistake. Women don't deserve voting rights teehee." And you'll be like, "What." And she'll be like, "Oh I'm sorry! That must sound so bad out of context. No it's this Tiktok meme where, if you're a girl and you do something dumb, you say 'Women don't deserve voting rights teehee.'"

And you'll be like, "That sounds bad." And she'll be like, "No no. It's totally not that bad. It's just a meme. Men say it too. Like if a man does something silly he'll be like, 'I am like those women who do not deserve to vote.'" And you'll be like, "Does that make it better?" And she'll be like, "Well there was one guy who tried to make 'Men shouldn't vote' a popular meme. But it never caught on and also he got yelled at a lot."

And then you drop it there because like, you're harshing the vibe.

@ccosmiccookiess replied to your post “That’s my dad’s philosophy: It’s better to be hot than cold.”

Stede writes a letter

Ed can’t read it

But Lucius fucking can~~

Commercial promotion is not permitted on AO3, which their TOS defines as "promotion, solicitation, and advertisement of commercial products or activities." Even though FTH is an event that promotes donations for non-profits with fanworks gifted in return, talking about this with the wrong language could result in a This is not just us being cautious. You should read the

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